I’m going into witness protection…

Tuesday, July 22, 2008 by John Robison.

Grammar note: this post replaces all gender-specific pronouns with “them” or “they.” Many apologies to those of you whom this grates upon. 

After a period of time, people naturally fall away from your group for a variety of reasons. As the person in charge, I constantly try to make sure that the theater is an environment people love as much as I do, so when someone leaves, I always go into a mode of “OK… what could I have done better?”

The reasons people give for leaving are just like the reasons people give when they break off any relationship. “It’s not you… it’s me.” I have a tendency to not believe that reason… at first. However, taken on a case-by-case basis, I find that the reasons people give are generally genuine.

At this point in Roving Imp history, over the past year, I’ve had a total of 22 people who have at one point called themselves an Imp. Of those, I still have 13 as active members. So over the first year and a third, that’s a drop rate of 41%. I have no idea where that might be in the whole spectrum of first-year performance groups with bi-weekly performances… at most points, it has seemed high. Right now, it doesn’t seem so bad.

As examples, here are the following real-life reasons, along with my suspicion of the real reason, with all names taken away, as I still really like and respect these people.

Person A: Stopped coming, and then said they had to quit to take care of familial obligations.  I think this one was true. I knew something of their personal life, and think this one was honest. Hooray!

Person B: Said they had to quit to take care of familial obligations. I think this one was also true. It seems that having to quit because of family changes is a common one.

Person C: Just stopped coming, with no communication at all. I have no idea what the reason might be… other than the fact that this person lived kind of far away. Maybe they didn’t feel like they fit in. Who knows? I would like to know. I do know that the “let’s avoid confrontation by just not going anymore” is the most frustrating for me. Lots of people have done it… and why not? For the person not coming back, it’s a super easy way to do it. No fuss, no muss, no risk. For me, however, it sucks the Royal Teat. I realize that you’re a performer, and not necessarily organized, and not necessarily prone to good communication, but if you know you’re not coming back, just let me know so I stop wasting mental energy on you. I hope they aren’t dead.

Person D: Just stopped coming, and said they were going to come back once things settled down with their personal life. This first part was true. Their personal life was all over the place, though they still haven’t come back. I will take this opportunity to put forth my Absence Theory: In my experience, if someone that has been a regular in your group leaves and is gone more than a month, they’re not coming back.

Person E: Just stopped coming. After a couple months, I happened to run into them, and they said their job switched days, and that they’d like to come back once that changed. Probably true… but they still haven’t come back. See the Absence Theory.

Person F: Got too busy. I’m pretty sure this is true. This person is very talented, and very busy due to the fact that they seem to have a tiny issue with overcommitment, much as I had when I was in my early 20s… when I would say yes to almost anything.

Person G: Got another acting job that would take them away for six months. I have no doubt that the reason is true, but I have doubts that they will return. We shall see if Absence Theory holds up.

Person H:  Left due to the fact that they got a job with a national touring company. I’m pretty sure it was true… it was too specific of a story to not be, and there was no reason to not be truthful.

Person I: Said their schedule was too busy. I suspect this statement was masking the actual reason. I was super relieved when this person made a point of thanking me for making them feel so welcome… Another group I have performed with has lost talented folks by not making them feel welcome or included. The day one talented person announced they were leaving, I talked with them and they said, “John, you were the only person my first day that came up and talked to me and went out of your way to be friendly.” That statement alarmed me, as I hadn’t realized that I had done anything… and I hadn’t realized that others weren’t talking to them. Since that time, I’ve tried to be super aware of including new folks and making them feel welcome.

So out of the nine, only one gave a reason I suspect to not be completely true, and one just disappeared. I like to think that I have an open and communicative atmosphere with the performers I work with. Other groups I work with get the old “I’m taking some time off,” when I think they were really feeling “I’m not having as much fun as I should be,” or “I’m not feeling necessary and/or appreciated.” I can think of five such examples of people using that reason in other groups in the past year. Have any of them returned after their time off? Please refer to the above Absence Theory. It hasn’t been proven wrong yet.

I never like it when someone leaves, but I understand that this kind of crazy life isn’t for everyone. Lots of people don’t realize it until they’ve been doing it for awhile. Weekly rehearsals and performances don’t fit into everyone’s life forever. Generally, I’m glad I got to share some fun, quality time with them, and wish them luck. And secretly hope that one day they’ll return, despite any theories to the contrary.

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